If you think everyone likes you, revisit your calculations, because they probably don’t. I have nothing personal against you, it’s just the status quo. Remember that your existence will not establish a tangible value until it provokes criticism and maybe controversy.
I chose the first blow of wind in this article to be in the form of questions. How much of your self-worth have you allowed others to assign a value to? Now, irrelevant of the number that you have in mind, did you ever thoroughly think it? And not to stop there, did you acknowledge that you willfully allocated a certain percentage of your own self-worth to some other, that now you do not own?
My first exposure to satire was by watching Bojack Horseman, and I am bedazzled till date with the unparalleled plot and course of events. The bold statements accompanied with the fact that it was my first exposure to satire fell like a ton of lead on me. Since then, I have not watched anything else that could have an equal effect to those serotonergic releases it triggered, despite its sad yet realistically captivating finale. Moving forward to the point, the film line that pulled the trigger of writing this article was: “You think you owe them something because they tolerated you at your worst. But these people enjoy seeing you fail because it lets them feel superior.” And I wish if I had a shot of my facial expressions once I heard that statement, a reality-check that would push a man to immediate considerations of everyone in his circle, given he’s sane. No matter how deeply you think it, this one is difficult to compartmentalize or fit in fish tank. I asked myself, it is pessimistic, realistic, mistrusting, or is it just existentialistic? Ultimately, our thoughts are no way close in reliability to facts and truths. The average person has around 6,200 thoughts a day, would you dare to state that even most of them are true or not self-biased?
It is obnoxiously saddening to find yourself among a majority that would feast on your failures, or brutally criticize your movements and successes. However, you are a thread in the fabric. You are not a storyteller, you are a part of the story. You do not get to control or tweak how things go or how others would perceive the world, let alone perceive you. And for that reason, mainly, one should realize that only by letting go of all ideal situations he had in mind, especially the ones related to the social circle, is he free. Well, it doesn’t just stop at that, but once you have vaccinated yourself against all the trash-talk, you would immunize yourself. In other words, you will form a careless mindset to what others have to say regarding your way of living. In this portion, I shape my words for those who feel just like how I felt one day, alienated. Faced with many trials to refute my actions or point of views by a majority that had misconceptualized a free-for-all for a team deathmatch.
But once you take a few steps back and take an all-encompassing panoramic look at how things take course, particularly when you steadily jog your way with a productive go-getter mindset, time will prove you right. It will evidently show you that, even if we in a way or another may exist in a deterministic paradigm, but your productive mindset will eventually prevail. And once it is time, all bootstrappers, and particularly the disciplined ones, will impose their outcomes and accomplishments on the other vast majority. Not because of a competition-formed mindset, but because life is simply curated in that form.
The environment you place yourself in will have a huge impact on you. Let me be clear. I have put myself in numerous unnecessary and unwanted events, some that fed me anxiety and displeasure, again and again, and again. Until I decided that it was time for all that to stop, and guess what? It immediately did. And that wasn’t on anyone else, it was on me. It is very important that you take the maximum level of ownership when you are either the focal point of an event or if it indirectly involves or effects you . That’s simply because you would most rationally trust yourself the most among others. If you expect life on earth to be fair, please unseal the lid on that perspective and do the necessary changes.
I was emphasizing on the importance of close circles with a friend of mine, and I spoke a thought that had caused a 7.0 Richter magnitude earthquake in my mind, and subsequently, changed how I perceive all people and close circles back when I realized it. I said: “You know, the highest cost the man pays for when it comes to companionships, is the one that is self-imposed. When you think of it, the standards you hold people against, will shape just about everything in your world. And this is very similar to the famous quote that says, “show me your friends, I’ll show you your future.”. Bearing that in mind, if you accepted or chose your close circle to include uncertain, uncurious, stomp-on-the-brakes kind-of-people, allowing yourself to dream and aspire would sooner than you think become a self-inflicted harmful fantasy. And it goes vice versa of course. If you attentively look through the lens of signs and omens among many other lenses, you could easily spot a rotten apple from a fresh one. And it is as straightforward as that, if you place one rotten apple in an apples’ basket, nature will take its course. It is only a matter of time till all the apples rot. However, if you put a fresh apple in a basket of rotten apples, the only change you would witness is that the fresh one rotted.”
The person that is supposed to love you the most, before demanding love or understanding from anyone else, is you. However, you can never begin to love a game until you understand its rules, or else, you would never ace it. Similarly, the practices and exercises that you need to undergo to reach self-peace and self-love are not all presented to your mind in rainbows. Neither are they, nor is their outcome. Which means that for you to induce self-love, you must first induce consciousness. Once there is, there is no more isn’t. Once you are aware of the game and its rules, it is only a matter of time until you master it.
Yuval Noah Harari said on the Jay Shetty Podcast: “Some people have this idea that the journey of inner exploration is a fun journey, oh I’ll discover all these amazing things about myself and what a good person I am. And I will have these wonderful experiences of bliss and peacefulness and oneness with the universe. and sometimes it happens, I don’t say it never happens. But a lot of that is painful experiences, boring experiences. Like you have like to go through a desert of boredom.” In that context, when you see a person holding a PhD in history conversing with a person who spent years as a monk agreeing on such a discussion point, it is very difficult for you to negate the statement’s truth, given their exposure of course. Nullifying thoughts, filling voids, and sleepless nights. They may all be a part of your trip in understanding yourself and attaining unity, the unity of your mind, body, and soul. And let that be, it won’t solely comprise of those dreading experiences surely. If you think of it, both, your satisfaction and happiness are nothing but dopaminergic and serotonergic neural circuits. Whatever it is that you choose to thicken your myelin sheath on, will trigger those feelings for you.
Be aware of the people you surround yourself with. And more importantly, be aware of the words you speak in their presence. Dr. Jordan Peterson said: “If people are not listening to you, stop talking to them. That is the best piece of advice that I can give you. And what happens is that if you stop talking to people who aren’t listening to you and start watching them instead, they will tell you what they’re up to. So, if you have things to say, say them, but you find people that will listen, talk to them. The ones who aren’t listening, pull back. Because you are devaluing what you have to say by offering it to an audience that does nothing but reject it.” I was told once that people in your life can be either enablers or disablers. People that enable you to think and achieve and aspire and people that would disable you from them. Stay attentive. And bear in mind that if you allowed others to disable you, it is not on them, it is on you.